VIII.
Purified Identity:
Purposes and Problems in Relationships
A.
Problems
All sin
appeals to us
through the avenue of our earth-based identities. We
get hurt because we esteem
our self-worth in our identities outside Christ.
·
If I find my self-worth in Jesus alone, I don't get hurt if
somebody criticizes my piano playing. But if I
esteem myself as a pianist and
somebody criticizes me, watch out!
·
If I find my self-worth in Jesus alone, I don't get upset if
someone criticizes my parenting.
But if
I esteem myself according to my natural identity as
a father or mother, and
someone takes me to task, watch out!
·
If a female does me wrong on a date, and I haven't subjected
my identity as a male to my identity in Christ,
watch out!
The problems
we have in
our family relationships are because we haven't yet
succeeded in subjecting our
blood identities to our identity in Christ. The
problems we have in our
fellowships are because we identify ourselves
according to our lines of thought
rather than in Christ. Then we take it personally
when somebody questions our
doctrine, and we split from them.
In all things
we have
to get past the place where we relate to each other
primarily because we are
spouses, or parents, or culturally attuned as
Canadians, Americans,
Southerners, or Northerners. We are to use all our
earth-based relationships
without abusing them, eventually shedding those
identities, never reinforcing
them (I Cor. 7:29-31). We must press in to learning
to see one another
primarily for who we are in the image of Christ.
This includes
blood
relationships! Because blood relationships are so
intrinsic to our first nature
they are the hardest identities to grow out of in
our quest for purified
identity. They are the hardest ones for us to see
through in letting one
another go into the release of new identity. The
pains, separations, and
strains in overcoming gender and family identities
are the most severe to us.
That's why
Jesus
described the household as the place of greatest
strife in overcoming into new
identity in Himself. Yet He demands that we come to
despise these identities
behind one another. (Note: We are to hate the
identities and the natural life
that supports them, but not the personalities! Mt
10:34-38; Lk. 14:26)
Does this
sound like a
hard thing? Sure is. Yet this is precisely what we
have been called-out
concerning—all these identities.
B.
Purposes
Wow! This
gives us a
whole new perspective on the purpose for
human relationship.
It gives us a
true
yardstick for knowing how to approach all
relationships—both those to which we
are obligated by blood, and those we have the power
to choose.
The
purpose
of all relationship is to purify new identity.
So let's
judge. Let's
evaluate. Let's ask questions: What am I doing with
my relationships? What is
my goal for my relationships? What is my goal for my
relationship with my
spouse, my family, my people in the Lord? Am I
capitalizing on our earth-based
identities in order to purify our identities in
Christ? Or am I using my faith
to reinforce our old identities? What about new
relationships I'm contemplating
entering? If I get into this relationship, will it
be to purify new identity or
will it only serve to reinforce old identity?
We need to
choose new
relationships carefully this way—especially
new blood relationships.
For example, this is why Paul is concerned about
marriage (I Cor. 7). He recognizes
that marriage tends to reinforce old identities
based in human nature. Its
tendency is to compete with the purity of our
identity in Christ. So he urges
caution.
When a single
person
such as myself contemplates marriage, he has to ask,
"Will
this
temporal relationship help us both purify our
identity in Christ, or will
it only work to reinforce our old sexual
identities as man, woman, family
member? Will we be able to be free to push into
Christ together, or will we be
sucked into a web of family identities that
continually makes demands on us
through our old identities, competing with our
quest for purified
identity?"
I urge all of
us to
examine all our relationships. Ask God to illumine
to you the purpose
for each one—how you can use it to purify identity
in Christ. How many
relationships do you have for which you see no clear
purpose? How many
relationships of yours are working against your true
identity?
Be willing for
a
separation to be worked out in you concerning such
relationships. For
relationships to which you are obligated, ask God to
transform them so they
will work to your purification rather than against
it. And remember, no
relationship—however close or dear—is
sacred for its own sake.
Part
IX